Lisa's Adventure's in Screenwriting, Part 2

Having completed my first screenplay ("Double Trouble"), I was thrilled with my new skill. (or, futile pursuit). I moved right into my second screenplay, with its alliterative and highly descriptive title: Black Belt Biker Bimbo Babes. I kid you not. I was now writing about not one, but two things I had no direct experience with: martial arts and motorcycles. But, I reasoned, this would be an easy sell to international markets. Can you just imagine the poster? Shiny spokes and lots of zippers and cleavage. Who could ask for more?

I was damned pleased with the completed screenplay, which I affectionately referred to as B5. There are (male) friends and co-workers from that period in my life who still remember this screenplay. When I mentioned to them this year that I was producing a movie, their eyes immediately lit up. "Oh - is it that one - that Biker Black Belt Bimbo Babe one?"

"NO," I reply emphatically, and guiltily wonder if I should have made B5 instead.

From this experience I learned how ridiculously long it takes to send out email queries one by one to producers - especially if you screw up copying and pasting their respective names - and wrote the automated program that would later turn into the aforementioned Venice Arts Automated Query Submission Service. So, every experience can turn into a lesson of sorts. Even bad boyfriends and ex-husbands.

No bite on the B5 queries. Oh well. If at first you don't succeed, etc. My next screenplay was an action adventure involving a woman who woke up in a Las Vegas hotel room next to a strange man who claims they were married the night before. And very soon, someone is trying to kill both of them. This screenplay involved several more elements I knew absolutely nothing about - amnesia, pharmaceutical companies, government agents, thugs, car chases and helicopter chases. Did this stop me? Hell no. I wrote and re-wrote and sent out queries to everyone and their brother. I had several companies request the script and surprise - someone wanted to option it. Yay! I decided that before I entered into any agreement with this upstart producer, I should check with the other producers who had requested the script but not yet responded. And surprise again - another producer wanted to option it!

I made appointments to meet both of them on the same day in Hollywood. On that day, I felt like the belle of the ball. Two suitors! I was impressed by both of them, but decided to go with the producer who had a first look deal with a cable network. He seemed to have more connections. I was also impressed that he was one of the world's foremost experts on the James Bond movie franchise, and had authored several books about them. I had optioned my crazy little action-adventure to 007's biggest fan. My action scenes must have been more than a little convincing.

Unfortunately, he was unable to obtain financing, and my screenplay fell to the wayside. Bad timing - in the two years that it was under option, at least four movies about memory erasure were released. There was no point in trying to re-submit my screenplay about memory erasure.

What did I learn from that experience? That maybe I have a small modicum of talent ... and that re-writes are a bitch.